Recently a young budding Bollywood actor Sushant Singh Rajput committed suicide. His death was linked to nepotism in Bollywood to loneliness because of depression and COVID-19. We have messages on personal and professional social media on “being there” for people. Managers all of a sudden tuned in to how people are feeling and people managers are being advised to check on their teams.

I have a few questions – why did it take the death of a celebrity to spur people into action  – will this also go away like every other sensational news in a few weeks? – why is being “nice”, yes just nice not a part of daily life?

There are conversations around how Bollywood stars bullied him. Do we not see bullying at corporates? Placing people into roles they didn’t sign up for at the time of hiring? Throwing people under the bus to gain that visibility? Convincing people to swallow their pride and do things because the “business needs them” or because they need the people to “lead from the front”. Do corporates not ignore these troubled voices with an attitude of ah what can he/she do? He/She will adjust or leave. How does it matter if another one leaves? Are people not bullied into leaving their jobs by being given assignments that set them up for failure or putting them through mental agony? More often than not these are organisations that will talk about values like compassion and transformation.

This is not just in office. The list of bullying outside work is too big to even begin listing here. Everyday, everywhere people are bullied. Everyday, everywhere people fail humanity. We will never know what went on in Sushant’s mind before he took that fatal step. Before you call him a coward please remind yourselves that emotional pain hurts more than a physical wound. Now imagine the magnitude of pain the person must be undergoing if he/she manages to overcome his/her survival instinct to end it all. There would have been cries for help. Maybe these went unnoticed or the response was “it will be ok”, “I understand”, “be strong”. Having lived through my own hell in 2016 I will tell you that these words only cause more pain. It feels like nobody in the world understands you and you start to withdraw. No, I am not a specialist and I do not have the magical answer. What I can tell you though is mostly just listening is the best you can do. My mother holding me on countless days and nights is the reason I am still here. My demons from 2016 still come out when life throws a sucker punch. Even people who love me the most do not understand the pain of those feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. They don’t understand the pain I feel when I want to scream but my lungs hurt because my tears have left me breathless. And I will tell you that’s ok! I love my family and friends. We all develop our coping mechanisms and I developed mine. A mix of writing my thoughts down, venting my anger and a ton of junk food with lots of sleep help me cope with those terrifying days.

We often have to walk the hardest paths of life alone especially if it is the path of a troubled mind. Some of us make it through these challenges with a few scars and some life lessons but some of us succumb. You cannot save everybody but the next time you are at work, with family and friends or simply hanging out do ask yourself if your actions are hurting people next to you. Solitude and loneliness are like chalk and cheese. I enjoy my “me” time; my solitude but loneliness is a hollow, cold place nobody should have to go through alone. Next time just be present with that sad friend, be ok with them being angry, be ok with them being alone but check on them. Just being there whether in person or even over the phone can take away that terrifying feeling of being lonely and hopeless.

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”  ― Mother Teresa