In life we seem to have ‘boxes’. A box for gender, race, profession….you name it! This box is a pre-conceived notion of what and how a person is expected to be. Now, I am not saying everybody has this putting people in a box characteristic, however it does exist and I am guilty of having done it myself. Maybe it is an intrinsic human nature. Maybe books, people around us, TV, Internet invariably form these boxes in our heads and unknowingly we try to put people we meet into a box.

New country, new people, lots of different cultures was quite a bit to process when I first landed in NZ. My father would often tell me not to judge a book by its cover. I do not believe I truly understood what he meant till I walked into my dormitory. Life forced me to look at people with a fresh pair of eyes. Let the people tell their story. Put the boxes aside and just get to know them. Within a few months I realised the tall Maoris and Pacific Islanders who sometimes had a lot of tattoos were gentle giants with big hearts and warm hugs, Asians shared the same love for spices, chillies and crazy dancing and Europeans will patiently hold you and offer the best heart-warming hot chocolate when you miss family.

With these crazy but amazing people I had foolish drinking competitions and I also had some of the most intellectually challenging debates. Random decisions such as let’s drive at 2am from Auckland to Wellington – about 640 KMs just because a friend has to return a car to his family or visiting a friend when you are cranky for that cup of hot noodles with complimentary reality checks to bar hopping for no good reason unknowingly taught me lessons in seeing the good in glass half empty situations. In the decade that went by my new family celebrated my joy, wiped my tears and kicked my ass. During University years I flatted with people from across the globe. No matter whom I was living with the door to our flat was always open to anyone seeking a hot meal, a good laugh or just to hang out. Steam from the rice cooker in our window signaled to fellow hostel mates to come over if they are hungry. I went to lots of different churches, made new their friends, met families of my new friends and had their family love me as their own. I learnt to give from my heart and see the joy of giving when there is no expectation of anything in return. The box my dear global friends picked was the one with the biggest heart and a symbol of loving without boundaries.

Ever had a sibling that will tease you till you are so frustrated you want to punch them? God decided to give me one of these in the form of my best friend’s boy friend. I would ask God oh why could she not pick any of the other boys??!! Sometimes the Universe has a plan for us I guess. This young man is from my very own motherland but we are chalk and cheese. I cannot help laughing when I think about the number of times we have fought like cats and dogs. Having said that he is also the person who introduced me to trekking, camping, some of the best books in the world and the idea of slowing down in life to appreciate a good moment. Heart breaks, jobs, relocations – life moved us around and at times we do not speak for months but one phone call is all it takes to have this wonderful young man by my side. My crazy friend picked the ‘I have your back’ box.

NZ also introduced me to women who are a complete beauty, grit and brain package. When I doubted myself these women would have faith in me. Whether it is coming over with glasses and a bottle of wine to cheer me up or welcoming me to their home just because I decided I wanted to move back to NZ for a while, my superwomen are just a thought away.

Upon initially relocating to India I realised I had been placed in the “woman” box by my new manager. All of a sudden my manager decided my abilities and what I can or cannot do depended on my gender.He probably meant no harm because he was confused when I did not fit into his ‘woman box’.  During my tenure in NZ I had never experienced a gender bias. I had a mix of male and female managers. When I reflected I realised all of them encouraged me to push my boundaries and follow my passion. I do not mean to imply gender bias does not exist in NZ.  Having said that, in my experience gender bias in India for me was more pronounced and shoved my way quite often. My wonderful wonder women pack and ex managers who had become a mentor/friend/guide all rolled in one helped me ensure I stay true to myself and do not conform to the box I was being forced to fit into. Their success reminded me that the road is rough but nothing is impossible. These people unbox me from boxes that take away the magic of Dee. These gems jumped into the ‘lifeline’ box.

My mother – she has been my best friend, my younger sister – I am the youngest and I was upset at not having a younger sibling, my fashion advisor, my best critic, my most ardent fan, my therapist. With all the love also came many jandals flying my way. Apart from teaching me to dodge flying objects, these jandals also taught me a valuable lesson on consequences of poor actions and bad decisions. Always happy to don any hat life throws at her, dear mum is from where I get my determination and stubbornness to chase my dreams. She is amongst the few who sit in my ‘angel’ box.

After moving to Bangalore I did a ‘how not to go to Coorg trip’ with a few colleagues. This gifted me new gems, new life long friendships in my life. Had I put these wonderful people into the typical married, man, woman, IT, HR and what not boxes I would have never seen the fun loving, crazy adventurous souls in them.

Boxes are not bad but let people choose their own boxes. Give people an opportunity to show the best of who they are and trust me you will be surprised.