At times, in life it can seem like nothing is going your way, someone in the universe is getting a thrill out of throwing lemons at you. I have had this occasionally but the worst I faced was in mid of 2016. Not just lemons but it felt like the universe took a baseball bat and decided to beat me black and blue. Battered and bruised, with little faith in anything good in the world I lay for days in bed letting out blood curdling screams of “WHY ME”. In their own sweet ways, a lot of friends and family tried to help. It took a lot of time. Albeit a bit wobbly I did stand on my feet again. In India going for counseling or approaching medical help is still not looked at in a very positive frame. So, despite all the loving people around me I had to do some hard work myself. From being that helpless, lifeless lump in bed to becoming Dee again was not easy.

A wonderful friend once said to me that God will only put you through tests that He knows you have the strength to pass with flying colours. You just need to put in some effort and show some grit. Another wise friend had also suggested to get some tequila and salt to turn life into a party when the universe is hell bent on throwing lemons at you. In hindsight I would say these are some of the best advices I have received. Along with these wise words I had a few learnings of my own. While I pray that not even my enemy has to experience my dark period of 2016, here are some of my learnings:

Acknowledge: When a ton of bricks hit you, it takes time to stand up again. My first step was to acknowledge it. Yes, shit has hit the roof. It has happened, now what? No no my life did not turn into a bed of roses. In fact I was so full of rage I thought my head will explode.

The Screw You Phase: Anger develops into a screw you and the world, “I will destroy you” thoughts. You might feel like batman or iron man and have these thoughts play over and over in your head about how you will stomp on the low lives but NAH! Trust me, all you will do is screw up your own life. A lot of folks told me to stop thinking but the reverse worked for me. Once I had exhausted myself with all the planning in the world to destroy the idiots my mind started to calm down. The monkey in my head stopped peddling and the haze started to clear. I did not want revenge. I wanted an apology from people who had hurt me for their own selfish wants. Slowly I realised that I was not going to get an apology. How could I? Those people did not see the wrong they did and hence, had not an ounce of remorse.

I Understand You, Move on: You will hear this statement a lot. I do not believe anyone can understand the pain unless they have been in the same situation. Then again, these are your well wishers and they mean no harm. As much as you might be tempted to punch the poor well wisher in the face and tell him/her “no you don’t”, try not to do it. I cut myself off for a few days. It was the only way I could grieve over my tragedy and finally build up the strength to get my candy ass off the bed without killing all the fantastic relationships I had built.

Family: Keep your family close. As we age we lose a few good people and the circle shrinks. When everything seems to fall apart it is your parents who will have an unwavering faith in you. It is your parents who will patiently sit by your side with no questions, no judgements, softly whispering into your ears that this too will pass. They may not understand your industry or your challenges but they know how to be your pillar of strength when the earth shatters below your feet and the sky explodes. Ensure you take time off to sit with them, have a laugh and show your gratitude. They do not need your money or expensive trips or gifts. Just a cup of coffee and laughing at something as trivial as a comic politician or the latest fashion trend is sufficient. Spend time wisely, so you have memories and not regret later on.

Friends: This is your extended family. The family you chose. I am blessed, truly blessed to be loved by some of the most loving, caring kick ass people in the world. I had a friend give me a good kick to stop sulking. You need this one to jolt you out of your my life is shit mode. I had a friend who was willing to punch the idiots in the face with me and get locked up in jail. These are priceless gems. They will support your stupid ideas but have the sense to ensure you do not execute them. The patient listening, letting you get your shit together friend. This is the friend who listens to you without judging and lets you get all that hurt out in the open. I have a very special patient friend. We live in different cities, do not talk every day. This never changed our friendship and each time we spoke she listened so very patiently and slowly nudged me back to sanity. These friends are your angels. Step away if you feel your anger might hurt this relationship but do lean on them for help. You will be surprised at how good they are to carry you in your bad times.

Love Yourself Again: Having acknowledged my problem, found my support system and with a slightly clearer head I realised the need to start loving myself again. It started with baby steps like cooking, going to the mall and shopping for shoes. One advice I heard from a number of people was to exercise. Folks, this works like magic. Oh no! I did not turn into a Baywatch babe but my mind was definitely happier and I no longer wanted to hide from the world. Go for a walk, get a facial, buy something that makes you happy – even if it is just a flower or a decoration piece. Only when you love yourself, the world will love you.

Moments of Flashback: I did have moments when my new found happiness would seem to crumble and I could see myself going back into the darkness. Allow yourself to wobble a little but do not let it go too far. The darkness will engulf you only if you allow it to. Acknowledge that there will be little road bumps every now and then. It is life after all. The thrill in any ride is in the bumps and the turns 😉 The only difference is you are now stronger and know how to navigate these bumps better.

In moments of darkness I had become sceptical of good people and all the wonderful experiences life has to offer. With the return of my crazy laughter, dash of sarcasm and strong will to see the good in people and in life, once again I stand tall. A hats off to all you wonderful people who tolerated my madness and helped me become Dee once again.

“The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge” – Bertrand Russell. Wishing you all a fantastic life ahead.